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For the most part I can sweep it under the carpet but I still have nightmares occasionally although they are much less frequent and less disturbing. I am in a loving and understanding relationship now and have been rebuilding my life after this huge shock. I did get counselling and hypnotherapy for the first few weeks after because to be honest I was determined to bounce back as soon as possible for my son's benefit and those who knew thought I coped remarkably well. I still speak to my Mum but we never discuss it. My parents live quite far away now so not seeing them isn't a problem. Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate your support and advice. Posts: 2 Joined: Sun 2:45 pm Local time: Sat 11:24 am Blog: View Blog (0) Has anyone had a similar experience with abuse as an adult that never happened as a child? I can't understand why this has happened to me as an adult and I feel guilt for being unable to prevent it. Is there a way that we can get past this to have some sort of contact again for my son's sake? I know my father will be wracked with guilt and remorse and grieving for the loss of his only daughter but he has made no effort to contact me.
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My 9 year old son is now starting to ask me why I haven't spoken to my dad in ages and I don't know how to deal with it. She has decided to stick by him but is still in contact with me although we never discuss it. I did tell my mum about a month later but couldn't bring myself to give her details. That was 7 months ago and I haven't seen him since. At that point I had no intention of telling my mother what had happened, I hoped I could sweep it all under the carpet and pretend it never happened. What?!! I asked him what he would tell mum about him leaving and he said he would say he was poorly. He said yes of course and then said "in my defence, I just wanted to do something nice for you". Eventually, at the end of the day, I told my dad he'd have to leave as i couldn't face him any longer. I staggered around shuddering periodically, hardly speaking at all. I was still in shock and in total disbelief that this had happened to me, so dragged myself round the theme park with him and my son trying to act as normal as possible for my son's benefit. It was painful for me to urinate and also painful to walk. The next day I was very sore and there was blood all over the throw on the sofa. Sometime later, I don't know how long, I dragged myself to bed.
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Eventually he pulled my pyjama bottoms back on and told me to go to bed. I don't know how long any of this went on for. I'm aware that he had his head between my legs and that he used his tongue on me.
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I couldn't open my eyes so I never saw anything. I think he tried to enter me but wasn't able to. I was aware that he tried to get me to touch him but I was like a dead body and my fist would not open. I felt completely paralysed but was aware at points of what was happening but powerless to do anything about it. My hands were clenched into fists and my consciousness flashed in and out. I could not physically move or speak or even open my eyes. At some point later, I became aware that he had taken off my pyjama bottoms and had his fingers inside me. We continued chatting but I was very drunk and it was late and I leaned up against my dad's shoulder on the sofa and passed out. At one point I spilled my drink on my dress and went upstairs to get changed into my pyjamas. We had had a lot to drink and continued drinking at the house. When we got back I put my son to bed and my dad and I sat on the sofa talking as we would normally do. He took me and my son out for a meal and we had a lovely time. I was in a very dark place and he came to stay and was the father I expected him to be, extremely supportive and encourageing. I asked my dad to be there as he's always been my best friend and the person I turn to for advice and support.
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I had planned originally for my boyfriend to be there but he had a breakdown and just left me suddenly and I was devastated. It was my 37th birthday and asked my dad to come to a holiday home I'd rented for me and my son to have a weekend holiday going to a theme park. I had lost a stone in weight within the space of a week, was drinking heavily and crying all the time. I had a very nastly split from my boyfriend after months of mental abuse which had me at the lowest point of my life. My father has never done this before and I can't understand why this has happened now. Most are cases that started in childhood. I can't find any similar experiences to mine.